curmudgeon Tag Archive

This is me on the inside.

This is me on the inside.

There are a lot of things that make me cringe. My now-wife once went to Japan and told me about horse sushi – that makes me cringe. When my dog poops on the carpet – that makes me cringe. People talking on their cell phones in public bathrooms (seriously, why are you doing that?) – that makes me cringe. Traffic that appears out of nowhere for no reason – you guessed it, that makes me cringe.

However, there might be nothing that makes me cringe more than “Christianese” lingo that goes around the church. I’ll admit it, I’m a curmudgeon. There is something inside of me that feels like rusty gears grinding together whenever I hear it.

Below I’ve picked five Christianese phrases that really make my ears cry tears of sadness. We’re all guilty of it, so lets confess this sin (it must be a sin to be this painful, right?) together and put it to rest.

1) Guard your heart!

Seriously? What does this even mean!? Guard my heart against what? You say it like it’s the title of a Danielle Steel novel.

2) PTL!

Every time I see this on my computer screen, an angel loses its wings. So much cheese.

PTL! With all the cheese!

PTL! With all the cheese!

3) My Quiet Time

Eastern religions have quiet time. We have Bible time.

4) I prayed about it and…

Now you have free license to do whatever your heart tells you!

5) Let’s raise our hands in worship!

Didn’t you hear me the first time? I’m a curmudgeon. I don’t want to.